


The Fastest Noblewoman in the West

by bookscorpion



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, F/M, No beta we die like mne, inspired by a bug in the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 12:37:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20025943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookscorpion/pseuds/bookscorpion
Summary: Geralt didn't know what he had done to deserves this. One day, the woman had started following him wherever he went. She cheered him on, clapping and whooping at the most mundane actions and impressive feats in battle alike.Geralt acquires a most annoying stalker.





	The Fastest Noblewoman in the West

Geralt didn't know what he had done to deserves this. One day, the woman had started following him wherever he went. She cheered him on, clapping and whooping at the most mundane actions and impressive feats in battle alike. She had no fear of death and unending stamina. She ran as fast as Roach and apparently didn't sleep. 

He had tried talking to her. She had cheered. He had tried ignoring her. She had cheered. He had tried shoving her away. She had cheered. In his desperation, he had tried attacking her with Signs. She had cheered, while being completely untouched by Igni, Aard or anything else he had tried.

It wasn't a curse, at least his medallion didn't react to her. When he meditated, she just stood there and _cheered_ as soon as he opened his eyes again. Monsters and bandits ignored her alike. Geralt had tried leading her into monster nests, hoping she'd either see sense and stay back or get killed. Instead, the constant cries of 'Long live the champion!' distracted him so much that _he_ almost got gored by a nekker. She had cheered.

Everyone else ignored her. Geralt started to think that he was imagining things. He had asked Yennefer about it who had taken a look at the woman and shrugged. 'She'll get tired of it eventually. Don't let it bother you, Geralt.'

She did not get tired of it. It bothered Geralt. To be exact, it drove him insane. Enough so that when he saw a ship cast off headed who knows where in Novigrad, he had taken a running jump on board. He had thrown gold at the confused crew and settled on deck, watching Novigrad and the woman grow smaller. Finally.

The ship took him to Pont Vanis. Geralt caught up on actual sleep and otherwise enjoyed the quiet journey, sea gulls and the sounds of a ship at sea the only thing to hear.

The moment he set foot on land, she was there. She cheered. 

Geralt sat down heavily on a crate. '_Please_ tell me what you want!' 

'Long live the champion?'

'Listen, if I fuck you, will you leave me alone? Please?' He had tried everything else, so why not this.

'Long live the champion!!' Her cheering got even more enthusiastic. He hadn't thought it possible. So he got up with a heavy sigh and walked to the nearest inn to rent a room.

Eskel and Lambert looked at each other across the table they were seated at in Kaer Morhen's great hall and started laughing. 

'Suuuure. She followed you like that just for one touch of your magic cock. You really expect us to believe that?' Lambert poured himself another drink.

'Five days! It was _five days_ and every time I got up, she started her damn cheering again! That woman was tireless and she. Never. Slept.' Geralt shuddered. He had been raw for days, fast healing and potions notwithstanding.

Eskel raised his tankard with a grin. 'Long live the champion!' Lambert cheered.

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the glitch where a noblewoman in red would sometimes start following Geralt around all the time, without ANY way to get rid of her. You can see a couple of videos of this [here](https://kotaku.com/witcher-3-patch-gets-rid-of-hilarious-glitch-1782048369)


End file.
